So, to recap. Had a psychotic break……got better.
Not really knowing what to do with my life now. No job, doing a bit of studying, two young children relying on me. A bit scared of what the future was to look like now.
And thats when it happened.
I was woken in the middle of the night. I walked to the dining table almost in a trance like state. I had this very calm feeling and my breathing was deep and rhythmic and my body felt very heavy. I sat down and there was a notebook and pen there and I just started writing.
I wasn’t doing it! It was happening on its on accord. Looking back, the starting dialogue where things like –
Don’t be deceived into putting
your hand up until you know you can do it
Always look around you and take in the sights
Keep the biggest slice of the pie for yourself
and then………….Don’t worry about the future, I’ll take care of you. So that got me thinking. Who’s going to take care of me? And the reply was written, I am your Nanna. She had passed whilst I was in primary school.
And then it was on, I was asking questions in my head and she was replying through my hand. A million questions. I had no control and the handwriting was not my own. I showed my mum some time later and she said it was very similar to Nannas handwriting, small and neat. I’m a real scrawler.
The conversation maybe lasted twenty minutes or so. She was reassuring me all would be well and she was sorting things out for me. She said she had been at my brothers wedding and had a great time and that my daughter looked like a beautiful angel as flower girl.
She said “She is always with us and there is no need for the fright of the beyond.”
I didn’t come out of the trance state, but remembered saying goodbye and that I loved her, and then went back to bed. In the morning, it felt like it was a dream and I was shocked when I opened the notebook and realised it had actually happened.
So what was going on? How did that happen?
It is called Automatic writing. I believe that there are two types of automatic writing.
The first one, which I experienced, is channeling a spirit (my Nanna) or higher entity. The second, is accessing your own higher consciousness. I have now done both methods and there is a vast difference in the feel of it when it is occurring.
You can give it a go yourself. Freak yourself out.
Find somewhere private and quiet.
Pen and paper at the ready.
Write down on the paper a question you want answered.
Quieten your mind, easiest is to concentrate on your breathe or open your eyes wide and that will disrupt your thinking mind. If you are a meditator even better.
Hold your pen, and wait for it to take off.
Don’t try to control it or worry about sentences, punctuation or any of that. Just keep writing until the flow stops. You’ll know when the conscious mind pops back in.
Back to my story
Ever since that day, two or three times a week, I wake up in the early morning with the same feeling of calmness, slow breathing and a feeling of love. It is like the universe is embracing me. It is very powerful and ultimately leads to so much more.
So now I’m all confident. I’ve got this. I decide I’m going to go travelling with the kids to really prove to myself that all is well. Paul comes on the scene. I’m heading off, he wasn’t real keen, but caved in. So we are off. Through Victoria, over to NSW. Stopping wherever we felt like it.
Everything was easy. Paul got a job at just the right time, or someone gave us a place to stay. Things were just working out as if there was a greater force at work………..